In the self-help/personal growth landscape (particularly on the more feminine/spiritual side) it can be pretty cuddly. Wounds need to be nursed, for sure, yet sometimes we need to have our butts kicked to move ourselves forward. I’ve realised that I have been my best in situations where I’ve had someone pushing me outside of my comfort zone in a ‘take no BS’ way – sometimes we need a Seargant Major making us do one more push up instead of someone commiserating with us or allowing us to give up.
Why does this work? Well, the way I see it is that those who dish out ‘tough love’ in its truest meaning (rather than being a cold heartless ass) are doing it to show you that you CAN do more, be more, despite whatever your fears or ego is telling you.They believe in your capacity and are pushing you to fight through your crap. Would you rather have someone agree with your doubts that you can’t do something, or have someone ignore your BS and show you that yes you can do it? Tough Lovers refuse to see you as a victim, so even when you’re getting pissed off whilst being pushed to your limits, you will discover something pretty precious – heightened self-esteem and proof that you are not a slave to your doubts. Hell yes!
Unfortunately I think tough lovers (in the truest sense) are rare. Folk can either be the cuddly mother types who don’t want to push you as they don’t want to see you in any ‘pain’ – run from the fear to avoid going through it. Or, there are the fake tough lovers who think being mean is tough love! Nope, being mean, depriving people of things in a way that isn’t in their best interest, or making things difficult for someone when it’s not aligned with their goals is not tough love. Yet there are parents, teachers, bosses who think it is.
Anyhow, back to genuine tough love.
Seek it out. I dare ya! When or if there are challenges that you doubt you are able to rise to, look for tough lovers who can ‘push’ you up that mountain, who know you can do it even if you’re disbelieving, and who won’t let you let yourself down. Too many folk who think they’re being supportive will actually allow you to let yourself down because they don’t wanna be ‘mean’ to you, so they’ll let you give up. Find tough lovers who expect more from you because they know you have it in you and want you to succeed. It can make all the difference.
If you can’t bust through an inner issue, you can probably transform your bathroom shelf
I am always hungry to find ways to live WELL, and do the right thing – whether that’s changing something on the inside or living better in the ‘real world’. Last weekend I had some time to kill before a dance battle and stumbled upon a WholeFoods at Piccadilly Circus. Now, I’m not 100% convinced of these stores (£4 for fancy bread, ah, nooo) however their beauty section was muy interesante!! Lots of 99% chemical free natural products for hair, body, skin. I’m not going to promote any particular brands but I will say this: If you are even a tiny bit aware of the amount of chemicals that go into ‘regular’ products (shampoos, deodorants, perfumes, skin products, feminine hygeine etc) then please start to move away from these products and slowly build up a collection of natural, organic, 99% chemical free products. And be a little vigilent – there are products that have ‘some natural extracts’ in them but that does not mean the product overall is natural (i.e chemical-free or with a very low chemical content). Look them up online to see if you can get deals on prices – often they’re not much more expensive. There are plenty of reasons to go natural – whether it’s for your own health and to avoid cancerous additives, to protect the planet using biodegradable products, you might be against animal testing (natural products TEND to not do animal testing) or be looking to support a vegan lifestyle, or maybe you want to support smaller independent brands.
Or, like me, maybe you feinted in the perfume section of a department store when you were 12 and have been avoiding chemical sprays ever since.
There are plenty of websites that can tell you the benefits of switching to natural products, so do look into this. If you have the time and inclination you can also look into d.i.y beauty products using organic household items (brown sugar with olive oil as a body scrub!), which would be even cheaper, but I dig that sometimes we just wanna wash and go. It’s empowering to make choices about what you’ll use to wash with, spray on your body, soak into your scalp etc, so if you feel inspired, take 5min to consider what item(s) you could change from chemically-loaded to natural.
Leave a comment below: How have you experienced tough love? What did it help you with? Have you dished it out to others and seen positive effects?
Have a great week